In a curious Friday press release, FMM Media, publisher of Funeral Business Advisor (check out this month’s feature on “tribute blankets,” who knew?) announced that it will launch a new trade magazine circulated primarily to independent coffee and tea shops.

“As part of FMM Media’s mission to become the leading publication in the coffee and tea industry, we continue to dedicate ourselves to producing the highest quality publications that focus solely on business-to-business content and providing real solutions to our readers that they can apply to their businesses to improve. Unlike other subscription-based publications, we have always believed our sponsors (“advertisers”) deserve a publication that does not exclude anyone. Therefore, CBS Magazine will be a FREE publication for the entire industry to benefit from,” stated Manley.

Hmm… exclusive? My post office box is stuffed full of coffee magazines every month and I pay nothing, so I’m a little unclear about exactly he is referring to. Furthermore, the “sponsors deserve a publication?” That’s a little odd, right?

Manley continues:

“Our success has always involved concise, business building editorials that primarily help the “independent” operator in the day to day operation of their business. This content is formatted in such a way that we do not use images and artwork to detract from the real purpose of our publications, and that purpose is to inform our readers while at the same time showcasing our “advertisers” to the entire industry.

Readers certainly don’t want the magazine to get in the way of their advertisements!

We rely on our sponsors for much of this content. By allowing our sponsors to provide content, we enable them to position themselves as leading experts in the industry, thus gaining the trust of our readers. By gaining this trust, our readers then view our sponsors as business partners, focused on helping them improve their business.

Paraphrasing: “We have created a magazine of advertisements. Since coffee business owners believe everything that they read, anyone that pays for an ad in our magazine will be instantly viewed as an expert in their eyes, thus allowing endless opportunities to sell whatever they wish to these mindless drones.”

I wish FMM Media success with the Coffee Business Solutions magazine concept and look forward to what promises to be a source of hard hitting original editorial content for the industry with many unnecessary quotation marks.

Update: Coffee Business Solutions Magazine is now deceased.